Writing halted so I can make a c****y sequel to a game that is rarely played.
Looking back at it, My story sucked major d***
could we have a few pics? :3
and yes I would love to see the story written:awesome:
good luck!
Well since they do not own any rights or IP about the series, I believe you can do whatever you want.
No pics yet, Still writing the book.
I just need to Replay HL so I know what levels are where and what not.
Quick Sneak Peek at the First Chapter - Prelude (Yes, I know that it’s the hazard course 
)
Gordon Freeman got off the tram, brushed himself off and reported to the reception. A tall Grey haired man stood behind the desk. “Good Evening, Gordon. I see you’re down to do a little training. I’ll just see if you’ve signed the forms.”. Gordon nodded. The tall guy murmured, and picked up the clipboard next to him. “I, Gordon Freeman, blah, blah, blah. Ah, Here we are. “I agree that any form of damage to my person eg. Broken bones, Lacerations, Burns, Toxic Exposure, Radiation Poisoning or Limb Loss are the sole responsibility of my self.” OK, I see you’ve signed it, You look like you’re ready.” He pressed a button and a door opened to Gordon’s right, A lift lay beyond. Gordon walked in and pressed the button.
A figure flickered and then and appeared out of thin air, The figure was of Gina Cross, A mid sized woman with her chestnut hair in a bun, she was wearing a tan suit that seemed to fit her form perfectly. "Hello and welcome to the Black Mesa Hazard Course, I am your holographic assistant. Let’s begin by stepping in to your suit, you’ll see it in the room up ahead of you. " She said then a door opened behind her with a hiss and a clunk.
nice!
If you really want to start a duscussion about this, you should maybe ask a mod to move this thread in the Half-Life sub-forum as the Cafeteria is for Black Mesa discussion only.
I sure hope that’s a like pre-pre rough draft, because the actual writing and form could use a lot of work. novels don’t usually use phrases like “tall guy”, or introduce a character like Gina Cross so abruptly and then just leave the name sitting there.
aka, this could be a cool book, but it’s going to be a ton of work
This look like high school writing to me ._.
Haha, this sounds just like my assignment I did for science fiction class. I made a short story, non-canonical, of Black Mesa. It was about what happened after the events of the resonance cascade on a nearby town.
Criticism time.
Why would you bother rewriting a story that already exists? Fundementally what you’re doing is narrating a playthrough of Half-Life with embellished detail. Not even the most hardcore Half-Life fan would actually bother to read the whole thing, and that’s even if you do finish it, which you won’t. Also, there’s no chance it will ever be published.
Quit whilst you’re ahead, or at the very least take some time to think about what you will actually get out of writing this and compare that to how much time and effort it will cost you.
If you’re going to write a story, write a new story.
Well I wanted to be polite and not to comment about the dude’s story, but what Altamont and Mangled said pretty much sums what I think. The writing is less than basic, without any real originality. To me it sounds more like a kiddie fanfiction than anything else. But I was wondering did you ever write something that was published or you just thought “Hey I’m gonna write an already existing story that’ll be cool!” ?
I think you should keep writing it, but just throw it on a fanfic site somewhere instead of try and do anything big with it. There’s tons of video game ~novelizations on places like fanfiction.net.
The only way you’ll become a better writer is by writing more, so whether it is essays or fanfiction or short stories, I’m not going to tell you to stop.
It is a Pre-Pre-Pre Draft. And also I am Fresh from High School, I’ve kinda been working on it for some time, I had to stop it for a while due to my Laptop messing up. Then I had to start from scratch.
I think with the Cons outweighing the Pros. I’ll Stop doing it. It’s just going to be Crisizised.
I wouldn’t be so sure, S.D. Perry has published five novelisations of Resident Evil games. I see no reason to assume it will fail simply because its a retelling of an existing story, although I would say it had to deviate from the original version in many respects, and would need far superior grammar.
Don’t give up, you just need a fresh perspectiveon the events of the resonance cascade! If it’s to practice your skills post it on the forums, so we can give you feedback.
Things will always be criticized, if it’s something you truly want to do then don’t let criticism stop you. The cons outweighing the pros is indeed the best reason to stop in this instance.
It’s also great that you’re open to accepting criticism, many people aren’t so willing to listen to negative feedback. Learning from criticism what makes people great writers and artists… of course, don’t bend to all criticism, just ask yourself if you agree or disagree with it.
it could have a nice cover too 
A loud buzzing exploded Gordon’s Freeman’s head. Groaning, he turned over in bed and slapped the offending noise. He opened his bleary eyes and saw the time: 8:14. Shit, he thought, his eyes snapping open. I’m late. Peeling the covers off, he stumbled towards the bathroom.
The light in the bathroom caused pain to shoot into his brain. Why had he let Barney talk him into that third round of drinks at the canteen? He splashed water on his face to chase away the demons.
Later, he stepped onto tram. Sitting on a seat Gordon thought back to the time he received a letter from the Black Mesa Research Facility. The P.A. system coldly reminded him of how late he was.
It was the end of a semester at the University of Innsbruck. He had been offered a job as a research associate in theoretical physics. Not only would he be paid well, but the Facility also provided him with a dormitory. Gordon watched as the Facility passed by below him.
The Facility seemed to be feeling what he was feeling. There was a large crack in a containment tank that was spilling out glowing green liquid. A robot had been dispatched to repair the damage. Finally, at the end of the ride, a security guard also reminded him that he was late.
Inside the Facility, there were more problems…
Too bad he went to MIT . . .
And Innsbruck.
If you’re going to give up that easily you can forget being a writer on whatever level. It’s true, and I’ll be blunt here, your first draft isn’t good, but then what other purpose does the act of refinement provide? Read it again, alter it, and repeat until it starts to look good. If you’re fresh out of high school and you think that your current draft is acceptable, I would honestly say that coming back to the story, once you’ve gained some experience and read other novels, would be invaluable. And if you don’t think it’s acceptable, then I hasten to enquire why you thought it was a good idea to post it on a forum. If it’s not up to an acceptable level in your opinion, then all you’ll get are criticisms which will destroy your morale. I’m being brutal here, but you need that. Here are some tips in the meantime. You can take them as you wish.
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Severely alter the narrative. At the moment it’s just a third-person narrative of the worst kind, simply saying what’s happening without any detail or exposition. Gordon did this, then he did that, then this person said that… it grates. It’s like someone watching someone else play the game with the sound off. Have you considered a first-person narrative for example? Where’s the detail? For someone who hasn’t played the game, this sort of narrative will provide nothing towards giving a description of the events or the location, and for those who have played the game, you’re just repeating what’s happened without adding anything. In fact, the details are so lifeless that you seem to be taking away from the experience of playing the game. Have you considered the narrative from another person’s perspective, or splitting the narrative between two or more people?
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Make the story different from other stories. One of the most important things I’ve learned about writing is to develop your own style above everything else. It doesn’t even need to make strict grammatical sense (although clearly you’ll need to know the very basics of grammar), just as long as it reads well. For example, James Ellroy, the crime novelist, writes in a very awkward staccato style, where sentences are only a few words long. Many of his sentences don’t make grammatical sense but they work because they make rhythm.
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Keep working on it. You can always come back to it. You can come back to it in several years time even, and remember it and realise how dramatically your style has changed. You can think that an essay or coursework that you did when you were 16 was brilliant, and for that age group you may well be right, but come back to it a few years later and you’ll realise how wrong you were.
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Don’t focus so much on the story. Focus on narrative, plot structure and description. The story, as nonsensical as this may sound, is peripheral. I think it was Raymond Chandler who wrote that people don’t care about the story, they just think that do. Found it - not quite what I thought it was, but it serves the same purpose: “My theory was that readers just thought that they cared about nothing but the action; that really although they didn’t know it, they cared very little about the action. The thing they really cared about, and that I cared about, was the creation of emotion through dialogue and description.”
What I mean by story is the action and excitement that comes with an exhilirating tale. You think that you care about that, much like with a magician, you think you want to know the explanation, but in actuality the most permanent aspect of the story and what will remain with you the longest is the human aspect - the emotion, the sadness, the humour - the characters’ humanity. In this respect, you can take the worst sort of story, and Half-Life has plenty of that, and still make it work, but you need other characters in there, and dialogue too. -
Read. It doesn’t matter what you read, whether its fiction, crime, fantasy or historical novels, just as long as you analyse what you’ve read and say why you liked it or why you didn’t. Not only will this expand your knowledge and experience of reading, but it will also develop your own style of writing which, above all else, is necessary. And, with any luck, you’ll enjoy reading them too. God knows why you’d want to write if you didn’t.
Hope that helps.