I cut myself with paper.
How smart :hmph:
Well there’s proof that LP is such a horrible band that even god himself doesn’t want you on the earth listening to it.
1: Was chased by a dude wielding a machete when I lived in Kenya (not fucking around)
2: almost drowned in a fucking huge wave pool. Funny thing is all the people there helped me out, but the actual guard just sat there and watched.
Had my glasses impaled into my skull beneath, above, and generally around my right eye. At least they saved me from losing my eye to the lawnmower. And I still wear those glasses today, when I go out hiking, they’re my backup pair, in near-perfect condition.
Well, just yesterday I nearly fucking broke my anus. My stairs lead to a landing where I like to try to hang onto. This time I tried to hang onto it and my hands slipped and I fell straight down hearing a CRACK when I hit the floor. I kind of cried a bit, even though it was quite obvious I hadn’t broken my anus, but it hurt like hell, man.
Well, there was a bee in the apartment, and my roommates and I were trying to get rid of it. I was standing by the window debating on whether or not I should open it, as it would let our bee intruder out, but could allow more to come in. Perhaps if we put in a screen, eh?
Well anyway, after much deliberating, I decided to close the window. Just at this moment, the bee, who was heading for its escape, flew at me, then on by, nearly hitting me in what would have surely been a stinging disaster which I would not have survived.
“Washington’s wig! Has anyone ever come so close to death, only to remain unscathed?!!” I exclaimed.
Then my roommate, who was pursuing the bee, crashed into me. He turned out to be ok, though I was very worried for a moment. Didn’t stop me from attempting to avenge him, anyway.
^ this.
Or, to tell it in the words of a fellow admirer of feminine beauty:
John Keats, 1884
when I was like 5 or something I thought it was a real good idea do put my head under my bikes handle bars while heading towards a cliff. I could’ve just breaked but I was stupid and panicking then some guy with popped collars just stopped me.
Another time was when I was walking home from school one day like 4 years ago and jay walked, and a speeding car actually hit my clothes that were blowin’ in the wind. A cop car followed after like 2 seconds, and too almost hit me. It missed my by about 2 feet.
Or the time I got in a fight in school and was stabbed in the shoulder with a pencil. It was more like right under my collar bone, and just missed my throat. Probably the closest I came to death during my 29 fights in high school…
I almost got bitten by a snake once. Oh, and I almost got hit by a boat this holiday while swimming in a lake, as well as slipping and almost falling with my head on a really sharp rock.
Thanks for the insult.
EDIT: Just remembered: I was once trying too imitate some cartoon when I was 12 (big fucktard moment for me). I tried to slay down the stairways. But that’s not all folks: Our door closed automaticly, and I had this brilliant fucking idea to open the door, run up the stairway, slay down and enter the hallway before it closes, so it’d be more awesome. Guess what happen’d? Door closed, I rammed my head against the door and woke up the neighbors (it was 6:00 in the morning).
I almost OD’d on cocaine, like I could feel myself on the brink of death. I just went into a deep sleep and my friend woke me up, shaking me violently. I had a bloody nose and my face was very pale. After that I just washed my face, brushed my teeth and went back to sleep, and when I woke back up again I saw nothing but gray for like 30 seconds then my vision went back to normal. I’m not doing that shit again.
Discounting all the close calls the Impatient Fuckers on Dempsey Road have nearly caused, I once almost Choked to death on a slice of Cheese Pizza. It was in middle school and I had bought Pizza that day for lunch. I was just eating and must have swallowed too much cheese in one mouthful while someone was telling a joke (I don’t remember details) and next thing I know, I can’t fucking breath. I was Pulling and Pulling on the Cheese to get that shit outta my throat. My adam’s apple had actually started Hurting by the time I got that crap out of my mouth. That was also the last time I ate school-prepared Pizza.
When I was 1 i tripped on the stone stairs leading up to my flat and split my head open. :awesome: there was no permanent damage minus a small scar and being terrified of sharp descents for the next few years.
Also in H.E I fainted from heat exhaustion (I think) and I know it wasn’t anywhere near dying, but it must have been like getting shot… minus the tremendous pain and death scream.
I beg to differ.
When I was about ten a friend and I when playing in this abandoned factory, we went all the way up the roof (10-15m high) and I almost fell off.
I did that in a game once, it was scary. The falldamage would have killed me if I didn’t fix my velocity at the last second.
Close call Tiki
good thinking.
…sadly
ADHDdownsyndromeautismdyslexia is no laughing matter. 