How to be nicer

#1

I think I’m going to make a conscious effort to be a nicer, better person. The way I see it is, I’m opinionated, if I disagree with somebody, I’m most likely going to let them know it and try to prove them wrong. I try as hard as I can to not be wrong, but I will admit it when I am. I’m usually a complete asshole to people I disagree with, and like to make people feel stupid.

I guess I’m nice to people I feel bad for, and generally try to defend them or be their friend, but that’s not really enough. I don’t think I’m a happy person, and I really only am happy when I’m laughing from making fun of somebody, or when I prove myself right.

Any advice on how to be a nicer person? I realized today that I’m a self-superior asshole and want to change that.

#2

Few Dale Carnegie reads are all you need as long as you are 100% certain that you want to invest a lot of time and effort. Most importantly, a persistence in your efforts.
Dale wrote his stuff eons ago and he made it so painfully simple that you’ll cringe at yourself for the silly mistakes you do.

Just like any bad habit (yep), persistence and taking account of your actions every single day will beat it.
Remember that what you wanna do here is to go 100% against yourself, i.e what the people call ‘break the habit’. That’s painful as heck.
You won’t be a nicer person overnight and you may give up on the idea, but that really depends on no one but you.

Go.

P.S. Being too nice, on the other hand - gets you nowhere. Remember that.
But that solely depends on whether you want to get to that ‘somewhere’ or not. If you really do, you’ll wanna be an asshole.

#3

A good way to get people to like you is to be, like, totally cheery. It works for me, at least - when I go to work, I greet everybody, ask them how they are, and whenever I meet them or pass by them, I give them a smile or say something kind or funny. Also, when costumer come up, I greet them with a kind smile, and say goodbye wishing them a good day. They appreciate it a lot, and say that I am one of the best cashiers in the store when it comes to costumer handling :slight_smile: And the funny thing is that I don’t give a crap about how costumers are and how their day is gonna go - once I’m done with them, I forget their existence and go on to talk to the next costumer :stuck_out_tongue:

#4

You don’t seem that annoying on here, and people tend to be much more of a dick on the internet than in real life.

In any case, in arguments, don’t belittle people, don’t treat them like idiots, and don’t ever treat your truth as somehow self evident.

#5

I’m great at being fake nice, I can do it whenever I want and play it off very well, I’m also a very good liar, but I want to be an actual nice person, I don’t look forward to things, I’m always pessimistic and angry, and I love it when bad things happen to people, I honestly think I’m just a bad person down to the core, except to those who I care about. I want to actually change on the inside, not just have a masquerade of me being nice when I’m actually the same person.

Oh, and @Someonerandm, this is generally how I am in real life, but I’m normally meaner to my friends and people I know, because I can tell I’m smarter than them. I respect people on the forums more because you all seem to be smarter than most of the fuckwads I deal with irl.

#6

My truths are always self-evident, even when they aren’t. :slight_smile:

I’m with you, Fuskox. I am extremely opinionated on a wide variety of issues…but I’m starting to get tired of it. :slight_smile:

#7

That’s everyone’s ‘problem’.

Why would you want to be genuinely nice to every fuckwad out there? Leave them alone and surround yourselves with those who you fit in, like, love and care about the most.

But yeah, there’s no other way really to change it without making huge consistent efforts.
You are who you are, however, and people that are 100% nice are genuinely nice from the start.

EDIT: Yeah, I also don’t believe that you changed your mind all of a sudden just because you’ve got tired of it. Tell us particularly what happened and we would be able to help you better.
Did some you really care about recently turned backs on you?

#8

why woudl you want to be nice

#9

This, basically.
Tell us what happened.

#10

like no really
you dont WANT to be nice
like believe it or not im super super nice irl and i have problems saying no to anybody and i get taken advantage of a lot
i have people seriously trying to teach me how to tell people to fuck off when they ask me for shit
if you can be a dick to ppls faces do it

#11

Idk, I was just thinking today because I did basically nothing, as usual, about how much I generally well, hate everything. I tried to think of the things that make me happy, and they ended up being things like humiliating people, being right, and a bunch of other selfish things. I looked at how I thought about things, and no matter what it is, I only see the negative in it. An example I just gave to my friend it that when I went to Six Flags with my family last year, instead of being happy and having fun riding all the roller coasters, I let the fact that my 11 year old brother, who is scared of roller coasters, made my Dad not be able to go on a single ride while I got to go on them, ruin the whole thing.

I get pissed about family gatherings because I have to deal with family, I get pissed about 4th of July parties at my house because I have to prepare for the party and clean things up, I get pissed about going over my friends’ houses because I have to change my schedule (which I hate), I get pissed about almost everything, and I noticed it today and saw that I’m not a happy person, and wanted to change that before it had a large effect of my later in my life when things are more important.

It’s not like I’m that angry, self-conscious, insecure teen kid, I’m just always pissed and an unhappy person.

#12

Seriously, if you want to be 100%, genuinely, Jesus-like nice to everyone - you can forget about it.
But this:

Is simply a matter of self-control and keeping your fucking mouth shut.
Work on it.

You need to swap things around and try something new. Lazy year to year friend-puter-family routine is always the worst problem.

And really, try team sports, or something else that would encourage you being nice to others by actually benefiting you in the way other than the sake of being nice, if you catch my drift.
A few years into it - you’ll teach yourself to be nice and will actually start feeling good about being nice. You won’t even notice it coming to you.

P.S. If you really think you’re doomed to hate everyone 100% and it makes you happy seeing other people suffer, than fuck it, set everyone on fire and laugh maniacally.

#13

Harder than it looks, man. It’s taken many years to get to the point where I can actually keep my temper in check. But I think a newfound sense of snarky cynicism replaced it. Like my first thought when I saw this thread: “This thread? On Black Mesa? Poor OP…”

I guess I need to work on being a nice person too. I’ve said elsewhere on this forum that posting here taught me how to take a joke, but apparently I still need to work on that because I thought someone was bullying me at school when apparently they were trying to be nice but snark at me all the same, and I misinterpreted the snark as being malicious. So I made an ass of myself. :frowning:

#14

i need to be meaner but i caaaaaaaaaaaaaaant

#15

No one ever said that it is going to be easy and interesting. I pointed it out in the first place.

And to be perfectly frank. People never drastically change until something really fucked up happens in their lives. Something life-turning in the ‘smashing your face in the table’ way.
Someone very close dying in an accident, losing your job and turning homeless, discovery of the love of your life cheating on you, terminal illness.
Something less eventful and fucked up may serve as a stimuli, but less likely. Leave alone ‘I just want to be nicer’ situations.
In most cases, the best you can hope for is really this:

Yeah, I know the way I’m putting it is Blunt and harsh, but it also true. At least that’s what I constantly hear from people.

P.S. But yeah, the only not fucked up thing that can turn the tables (in a different way slightly, but still) is kids. Your own kids, I mean.
Ask your parents. Or anyone who is a mother/father. Heck, even Eminem once got it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYwINy_boZY

#16

Pretend you have multiple personalities, that way you don’t have to worry about changing the way you are to the core, because you’d be totally different person. The way, if you want to be nice you can just act like someone else.

Plus you can still be a dick by acting like yourself.

#17

I think it just goes back to having a positive outlook on line in the end. If I stop being such a pessimist, I won’t have as much of a reason to be a dick, and I’ll be able to be happier and nicer. Idk, I’m probably either going to change in a better way, or a “fuck everyone, I don’t even give the smallest of a fuck anymore” way, hopefully the former. Guess I’ll just start having better manners and stop being too narcissistic and angry. Idk if I’m ever going to be able to apologize to people about things though, that’s probably the hardest thing I ever have to do, makes me so angry.

Edit: And I think seeing the failure that my mother is in life has also changed me, I don’t know whether or not for the better or worse. Watching her alcoholism break up my parents’ marriage, and now seeing it slowly destroy both her business and family life, make me probably more angry than I’ve ever been in my entire life, but nothing I say changes a thing. I think my mother’s problems have made me a less happy person, but I think I see life on a more realistic level because of them, even though it’s a very pessimistic view.

#18

Well that’s a whole fucking another prospect.
Really, why wouldn’t you start by helping your mom through.
Do yourself a favor and set a goal for yourself. Force her to stop, do something about it.
There’s plenty of ways.

Go.

#19

ODB, I don’t think you understand. We tried for 6 years straight, and couldn’t win. I talk to my dad about it all the time, he’s the one who wanted the divorce, and he still worries about her. I talk to her boyfriend about it every time I see him, he can’t stop it either. I’ve tried to help her, I still do, I just can’t win.

#20

Sometimes, someone can be too nice.

I see it on the road. Someone waits until the last minute to get into a traffic jam, sometimes even riding the shoulder to get ahead…then someone lets this jackass in, furthering the jam. “I’m just being nice/courteous” would be their excuse if you questioned them. They’re not being nice or courteous because they’ve exacerbated the problem and rewarded rule-breakers.

“Nice” would be to be what some would consider ‘mean’ and not let the jackhole in. He broke the rules, now he has to live with the consequences…even if it means sitting in the shoulder for 10 minutes.

Founded in 2004, Leakfree.org became one of the first online communities dedicated to Valve’s Source engine development. It is more famously known for the formation of Black Mesa: Source under the 'Leakfree Modification Team' handle in September 2004.