How to be nicer

#21

I find just being aware of my feelings is a great start to gain neutural ground. If you find yourself eccessively angry at someone or something, sit for a moment, close your eyes and concentrate on what the anger feels like, in a purely physical sense. As in, concentrate on the burning feeling in your chest, and ignore what is causing it. The feeling will go away the longer you concentrate on it, and you will find your mind clearer to think in a non biased manner. It works for me, as long as I can actually keep concentrating on the physical feeling instead of what is bothering me. Fun Fact: It also helps with wounds/bruises/etc.

One thing that just helps me be a nicer person in general, and I’m going to get 103 bullshits for this but whatever, is read a bible. Try it or not, believe it or not, I don’t give a shit. I’m just saying what works for me. I’m not saying study it like some sort of scolar writing down every law and name, just some light reading.

#22

The Bible didn’t really make me nicer. What helped me was…believe it or not, the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Now, before you call “bullshit” on me, the books espouse a view of the universe which, I feel, is much more realistic than any scripture and editorializes and anthropomorphizes our life into an easily understandable and, well, entertaining nugget. It doesn’t take itself seriously (how can you when you have a robot programmed to be depressed talking to an exuberant sentient mattress?), but, inside all the silliness is a great worldview.

I suggest reading that. :slight_smile:

#23

Can I ask how old the OP is? If you’re still a teenager you go through sometimes long periods of feeling angry and hostile.

I have a few alcoholics in my family. Luckily we live further away from them, but we sort of let them get on with it. Tried helping them, but ultimately if they don’t want to help themselves then it’s a losing battle.

Lastly, maybe try talking about things you don’t feel superior about to other people? You could meet a guy, talk to him about computers (say) and he wouldn’t have a clue. But he might be an expert at fixing cars or particle physics (I genuinely met a physicist in the pub a while ago, he bought me and my mate a drink and we talked about Higg’s Boson :stuck_out_tongue: )

You can get into a lot of trouble being nasty to everyone, especially when alcohol gets involved. A bit of courtesy and being nice, and I’ve never been involved in a bar fight

#24

Look, you don´t need to be nicer…you are who you are…and that makes you cool person :slight_smile: …It´s not that you are not nice to people, but people aren´t nice to you because of todays society…rotten society… :slight_smile:

#25

I wouldn’t call myself nice… not mean either. Probably just a little offensive.

#26

People need to have a balance of niceness and rudeness so they don’t become too boring and predictable.

#27

I can quite literally feel your pain as my father is a raging alcoholic. My mother was a heroin addict. The two divorced when I was just a little tyke and my father, brother and I had to move to Alaska (from California) to get away from her. (She used to kidnap my brother and I and hold us for ransom so she could get her next fix.)

Growing up I held a lot of resentment for my father because I always felt he chose alcohol over his kids. I still feel that way to this day. I haven’t spoken to him in over a year, mostly because he is a total recluse and doesn’t really want to have anything to do with his children. I sincerely hope this end is not in store for your family, because I miss my father and worry about him.

For me, the Bible went a long way toward curbing my anger. It wasn’t only my dad that I was angry with either. I let it bleed-over to all my relationships. I’m 36 now and still trying to recover from a lifetime spent hating pretty much everyone, including myself.

I hope and pray that your mom does quit drinking, but there’s no way to force it. Either she makes the choice to quit or she doesn’t. It’s pretty much as simple as that. It cannot be made for her.

Feel free to PM me if you want…and good luck, it’s rare to see anyone who genuinely wants to better themselves, and 'tis a noble goal.

#28

There’s a lot of truth to the saying “Nice guys finish last.” When you spend too much time worrying about not offending or upsetting people and worrying about what other people are thinking of you and your actions, then it can severely cut into your ability to just be yourself. And yes, it sets yourself up to be “walked all over” if you let it get to that point.

I’m basically the “nice guy.” At this point in life, I’m ok with it for the most part. I think I’ve attained just enough of the “don’t give a fuck” attitude to prevent getting walked on yet still remain a nice enough of a guy. My online persona is generally my IRL persona as well. If anything, I’m probably a little nicer online … if not a little more out-going…

#29

I’m 16, and I’m hoping to be nicer because I’m just not really happy. Thinking about it today, I think it’s probably just looking on the bright side of life that would make me a nicer, happier person. So far, I think I’m succeeding at it. I don’t think I yelled at somebody once today, and didn’t tell people they’re stupid or demean anyone. I still got angry, but managed to hold it in. By a very small amount =)

#30

This worked for me, find someone who’s an optimistic and happy person and talk to them, get to know them and hang around with them. Don’t be mean to them though, but kinda watch what they do and somewhat mimic it and try to look at things the way they do, it helped me. I used to have a “we’re all gonna die what’s the point to anything” view but my friend always says that we’ll only die once, so die with someone you like, and she made it her job to make it so there was plenty of people she liked and who liked her back. I adopted this attitude more or less and I’m a happier person and usually being happy leads to being nice, or at least it makes being nicer easier!

#31

Sounds like a good idea Nightmare, might try it out.

#32

Just try to imagine the next guy who asks you to do something for him is one of us forum fuckwads you don’t give a damn about.

Then voice your opinion like you so eloquently manage to do on this forum every now and then, especially when being criticized.

If it helps, shut your eyes that same moment and pretend you are typing and shout out loudly what you are typing.

Just be a little like you act on these forums, and you will accomplish your goal.

#33

You mean swear a ton and then use bad grammar? That might actually work.

#34

Murder everyone that’s ever pissed you off and then make sure to never kill again. From then on every action you take in life will be “nice”.

“Remember that time I murdered that guy? Hmm? Yeah. I’m a nice person now.”

But seriously… being nice is easy.

#35

This thread makes me happy. I love seeing people actually express genuine emotions on the internet, it makes me feel better about humanity. I’ve always been “the nice guy” that friends rip on, or that girls pass over for the asshole they can screw over. Over the last year or so, I’ve met people who changed me completely in a very, very good way. It’s given me a much more laid back attitude about life, and that’s what it really boils down to: how much of a fuck you give. If you care too much about other peoples’ opinions of you and so on, it’ll never work. You need to find the middle ground between being a nice guy pussyface, and a normal person who doesn’t give a rats ass about what other people think of them. Gain confidence in things that you know you can do that other people can’t do. Pertaining to being a ‘nice guy’, I found this lovely link on my facebook wall today, it was fairly uplifting, you might enjoy it: https://www.stumbleupon.com/su/26inxf/www.stwing.upenn.edu/%257Ejenf/writing/rant04.html.

As for being less mean and more nice; smoke weed! (No, I’m not trying to start that argument again, I genuinely mean it.) Don’t smoke weed by yourself, find people you can have good conversation with and smoke with them. Weed conversation beats the shit out of a lot of other kinds of conversation you could have, and the act of smoking with friends and having a lil pow-wow mellows you out and does a great job of making you think objectively, as opposed to subjectively. That’s what the other people are there for, to make you stop thinking about yourself and how your problems relate to you.

#36

I agree with that weed part, yes it does. So easy to talk and have a great time. Gonna check out the link.

Very true link, I never really get how things work out that way.

#37

HHGG is better than the bible in terms of “self help”

It’s true.

#38

I agree with danielsangeo and xalener. The Hitchhiker’s Guide shaped my worldview as much as Pratchett’s Discworld Novels did.

After reading them, you might see things from a much different perspective and find yourself a more understanding, open-minded individual.

#39

The HHGG movie should have been 4 hours long to contain the epic social commentary the book had. It missed a lot of it (but it was still kinda there between the lines).

#40

This. Same with me.

And this.

There are few advantages to being nice to people, people see an advantage to others being nice because they’re easy to take advantage. Seriously, fuck people. They suck.

Founded in 2004, Leakfree.org became one of the first online communities dedicated to Valve’s Source engine development. It is more famously known for the formation of Black Mesa: Source under the 'Leakfree Modification Team' handle in September 2004.