Therapy.
Suicide.
He’s right. That’s cheaper.
- “i just worked up the courage”
-
“right as i start to talk to them, i freeze”
Clearly you have not worked up the courage.
Increase your courage approachment threshold, and only then speak. Failure is irrelevant. Only once you accept that notion will you be able to find success.
I dont know if this will help or not… but girls suffer from the same problem of shyness.
Pro tip: Work out what your going to say first. And make it a question. Women love to talk and yabber on, so whilst she’s yabbering on don’t listen to her at all and think about what your going to say next.
Repeat until naked.
:chuckle: Pretty much. 
Swampfox
You do not need to fix this so much as you need to rethink this.
The reason that this situation happens is not that there is anything out of the normal happenening, (In the sense of what is normal human responses) but because you need to rethink a few things.
You need to re-program. Not sure if you are a Star Trek fan or not, but I think the Kobayashi Maru is a very important thing to consider…
( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobayashi_Maru )
The test is designed to show a person’s character. The part I find important with this, is that Kirk could change the outcome of an event by “tweeking” the test.
So, the qustion is, how can you tweek the test? (if you use the girl thing as the event)
With this, YOU are the computer simulation.
A few things.
First… You are making statements about “THEIR” thoughts that may not even be true… You mention that they see yo uas being a tool because you are nervous… How do know this? Did you see their “tool-o-meter”? For all you know, they could see your nervousness as being sweet-natured. Be very careful not to let your take on the situation, not be what you think theirs is. The two are not always the same.
2nd, what exactly is it that you are hopeing to gain by asking a girl out? Status? Power? acceptance? A Girlfried (As in, they are now “belong” to you - You own them?) How can you tweek the simulation, if you do not even know what your HONEST objective is?
3rd, What is wrong with staying single?
4th, How about have several girl “Friends” first, before you specialize in just one? Why ask them out in an exclusive sense? Why not have many "friends’ that you can enjoy, and just let things happen on their own?
5th, You MUST re-think your opinion of yourself Swampfox. This is likely the MOST important part of the this Kobayashi_Maru.
The Reason Kirk could beat it, is becuase he stepped backed and saw the BIG picture - he did not just step into the senerio and jump to the test - everyone else did that, and everyone else got a fail to complete - Not Kirk… He stepped back and saw the BIG picture - therefore, he could work the test to his advantage.
With next few years of your life Swampfox, regardless of what happens in it (Single, girlfriend, whatever…) you MUST be able to step back and see the bigger picture… you must get to know yourself FIRST, and then the other things in life that come along with not be confusing or concerning.
REthink Swampfox… RETHINK.
Consider why you actually want a girldfriend first before you proceed. Understand this, and the outcome will change.
Also, find a way to ease the fear and panic beforehand. Like was said, you really DIDN’T work up the courage, you’re still afraid enough that your body switches to fast-reacting-but-stupid mode since it thinks you’re in immediate danger and there’s not enough time to think. I believe this is the same thing that makes tests really difficult for some. Work on relaxing and suppressing your fear.
My problem with girls is that I don’t really have much opportunity to meet any, and most girls I ever DO meet I don’t really find to be who I’m looking for. I also don’t really have much time, what with research (and classes as well during the not-summer-time).
I normally am a little nervous talking to girls but I don’t freak out and say stupid stuff. I think you’d be able to hear it in my voice but for the most part I manage to keep it under control.
ya know thats acctuly a really good question, Why do i want a GirlFriend??? hmmm…
I have 3 really good friends that are girls, i guess i could start there.
I guess i should have more faith in myself, one of the problems, is that i dont see myself as very popular, and “attractive”
Acceptance i guess, i want people to know that i too can get a girlfriend if i wanted to (i just answered myself to the first question)
that is really good advice, thanks Not-Anator 
My girlfriend has been treated like shit in the past by others, and I think she’s a slight misandrist. This is probably a stupid question but should I bring this up or not?
It’s a difficult approach but from all the advice I’ve seen around is that you tell your GF that you understand that she’s been hurt immensely. However, also lightly inform her that it’s a little unfair to think that you’d do that to her and it hurts you that she’d think you would do anything like that. Make sure you tell her in a way that it doesn’t sound like it’s her fault, though. You’re not there to attack her; you’re just there to tell her how it makes you feel.
That’s just one person’s opinion, though…
No, they don’t. They are soulless twisted creatures wound together from bits of industrial steel and pure malevolence.
I can attest to that. Extraneous details available upon request.
I do not think the question is “If” you should bring it up, so much as HOW you should bring this up. Pokemon Eater, it is our ability to comunicate that makes all the difference between a so-so relationship, and an AMAZING one. If you two are in a relationship (Or rather since) you are both committing to the well-being of each other. A part of that is having the courage to be honest enough to even talk about things that may be a bit uncomfortable to one or both and NOT hurt each other. That is the trust part I should think.
If she came from an abusive situation, she has to be careful not to project her abuser"s attitudes onto to you. Projection is something we all do to some degree or other. That said, it is important all the more that you both understand what you both want from the realtionship you are in, and that there is trust enough to have open chat as to what you are both feeling, without either going on the twist about it. Being as you know some of her history, that allows you to be pacient to work through some of the issues that will no doubt arise. That said though, that does not give her license to treat you poorly and then blame her past.
(Not to say she does or has, but keep in mind - There is a reason why she let herself be treated the way she did - Has she dealt with that? I hope so. Just sayin’)
You both MUST be very open and honest and willing to help each other through the bumpy spots; That can only happen with honest chat.
So in short, YES. (And no that is not a stupid question - that is a brilliant question - It show that you are on top of things and concerned… as is fitting.)
Cheers
Swampfox, we could all use a bit of help in that department. I am half-heartedly working on a book that deals with this sort of thing. The idea of the book, attempts to help folks see themselves from an external perspective, and as a friend. THh opening of the book asks “If everyone in the world were to treat everyone else how we treat ourselves…what kind of world would it be”?
Obvioulsy,the book is wading through the difficult topic of self-monoriting behaviour, which I will not bore you with here. (the research is somewhat painful, but needed - I am not working at writing it very hard - who knows… by the time I retire I may actually have it written - Shrugs) So far, there is evidence that supports us not being able to see ourselves properly most times. We tend to be over harsh on ourselves… We are willing to cut others a break most times for varoius things, but not so much ourselves. It is an interesting thing, and there are various reasons for this… but it is enough for us to realize that we most times, really are over harsh with ourselves, and do NOT see ourselves how others see us. We ARE generally more atractive to others than we see ourselves as being. We are usually more popular with others than we tend to think we are… Of course there are those who are egotists, but in general, this is true…
So lighten up and cut yourself some slack.
And thumbs up for being willing to look at your current friends as a good place to develop potential girlfriends - but with this, don’t force it… merely be willing consider the posibility
PS. BTW, just because someone swears at you, it does not mean they are your enemy: Just becuase someone smiles at you, it does not mean they are your friend - But I think you are wise enough to both understand what is meant by this, and why I posted this last bit.
Cheers
So, today, the following has happened to me:
It was the hottest day in Germany I have ever experienced in my whole life. At my student fraternity, an initiation party was happening, and I got there a little late. Spotted this pretty attractive girl among the guests, thought she was either someones girlfriend or the friend of one.
The house of my fraternity is built next to the river Leine in Hannover, and we even have a diving board from which to jump into the water. It is part of every initiation that everyone involved, even all the guests, totally have to jump into the water, or they are grabbed and thrown into it. So every girl wore a bikini underneath, and every guy wore trunks and swimming boxers.
During the party, I noticed the girl I didn’t know was looking over to me. Two or three times, I don’t remember. I didn’t interpret anything into it. I was a guy she didn’t know, and that would be it.
After the party, we went to see the game against Argentinia (WOHOOO 4:0!!!), during half time some of us went down to take a jump into the river again. Suddenly, this girl is standing next to me in a baby blue bikini, looking totally awesome, and starts chatting with me. I notice that not only I find her attractive (much more attractive even now that most of her body is revealed, and I see her beautiful face close up), but also I happen to like her. She, on the other hand, seems to like chatting with me, cause she doesn’t even stop when half time is over, although she has displayed a clear interest in the game before. Also, I notice that while chatting with me, she shares a great deal of information about herself with me. How old she is (21), what she is studying, what her relation to my fraternity is (she is NOT anybody’s girlfriend, but the daughter of a retired member of ours, and she is living alone), what her interests are… when we find out that we share our common interest in eating good food, she states that she eats a lot and has to do something against growing too fat. I compliment her on her figure (she looks amazing - there is not one ounce of body fat too much on her, but she is not skinny, either), she seems to be delighted. We are interrupted by the doorbell ringing, and after I have answered it we go watch the game to the end.
Later that day, as the after-game-party goes on, she sits next to me again in the garden, and we easily get into conversation again - again started by HER, not me. She tells me a whole lot more about herself, even shares childhood memories of funny or dangerous things she did. She tells me of a scar on her back she happens to have from an accident on holidays, and turns her back on me, asking if I can see it. There is nothing there. Her skin is perfectly smooth and ivory coloured everywhere. As I say I cannot see anything, she asks me to touch the spot where she told it should be, that maybe I can feel it under the skin. I touch her and she feels as smooth as she looks. No scar, as far as I can tell.
A fellow frat student comes over, totally drunk, telling me I should not hit on her. She frowns at him, saying she can take care of herself and does not submit to being hit on. As our conversation continues afterwards, she tells me she isn’t looking for a boyfriend, anyway. At least not from within our fraternity.
I nod politely, but inside I am utterly flabbergasted. What the hell? Even better - she gives a hint that she will regularly visit our fraternity and fancies becoming a member, maybe.
Now what would you gals make of this? It is a sport fraternity, so almost every other guy there looked better than me. More muscles, more defined bodies, better haircuts (I have long hair), more tanned skin (mine is pale as it gets). But she spent most of her time chatting with me and (seemingly) having fun. She even let me touch her… I have NEVER ever in my whole life been asked by a girl in a bikini to touch her skin along the spine. That is highly unusual, as far as my personal experience goes.
I am very, very, VERY confused right now.
I love you Sassy ;(
Everything in your post indicates she is interested in you or at the extream least, she enjoyed being around you. I would look for an opportunity to make it clear to her that you are very interested in dating her, but that if she is not at that point in her life, then make it clear to her that regardless… you would really like to keep options open to hanging out with her if the opportunity presents itself. Only cuz she was a lot of fun. amirite?
This goes back to that non dating thing I think I mentioned before. There are a lot of good things that can happen when you are not exclusively dating. There is no pressure, and it is more a meeting of minds to have a good time, rather than meeting to work on a ‘relationship’. If you can make it clear that you are seeing other gals non exclusivly… this may work for you.
I think you may be at a point in your life that you are in need of just a bit of fun rather than ‘relationship’ eh? It is very possible she is in need of a good companion / hang out buddy, rather than a ‘relationship’ or ‘boyfriend’.
Try it an see if this works. It may. It may not.
Enjoy it for what it was, and do NOT play a “what if - Is she” tape in your head.
Thinking about it a bit more, I would say not to get too hopeful.
She is obviously out going. She claims to have a scar that is NOT there…?
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck but does not have webbed feet, it is likely NOT a duck… Just sayin’