Every Day.My god I sound Emo…
When I was a young’in, I did my best to try to kill myself. When I was a toddler, I tripped at a laundromat and bashed my skull into the corner of a concrete “curb” they had separating a washing basin and the walkway. My parents told me that the resulting lump was as large as a baseball.
Later, I was climbing on top of one of those dome-shaped jungle gyms. I got to the top but missed one of the bars. I slipped through the bars did several forward flips before belly-flopping onto the asphalt below. Knocked the wind out of me and I spent the next five minutes gasping and upchucking.
Later, I was climbing on another jungle gym. I can’t find a picture resembling what it looked like but try to imagine a hodgepodge of wooden and steel bars stretching 20-25 feet into the air. I got to the top, waved to my parents and promptly hit every wooden and steel bar on the way down. That one resulted in stitches on my chin.
Next up, the grocery store. There was a sheet-metal panel that had fell from the side of one of those conveyor belts at the cash register. Dummy me, my left middle finger got the edge of the fallen panel and sliced all the way down between my first and second knuckle. More stitches and this time, I got a nifty scar.
Then I turned seven years old. Oh lordy, did I have a problem then.
I was in the car at a grocery store. My parents had just found a puppy that had been missing wandering through the parking lot. They were taking the puppy up to the pay phone to call the owner when I turned to watch them.
A metal hook (it was like an elongated J) had come down inside the car that was holding the fabric to the ceiling. It must’ve happened like just a couple seconds ago and I somehow got my left eyelid hooked over the hook. I panicked and screamed and tried to get my eyelid off the hook. It took the path of least resistance and tore my eyelid in half. I remember holding my left eye, screaming, running through the parking lot of the grocery store to get to my parents who were at the pay phone. They told me that blood was literally pouring from around my hand.
That wasn’t where the real pain was, though. In fact, I remember joking with the ambulance attendants, trying to show how smart I was (I could recite my multiplication tables an’ everything!) The real pain was when I got to the hospital. For some reason still unfathomable to me, they couldn’t give me anesthesia, so they gave me the stitches without it…on my eyelid…and I was seven years old. My only guess there was that the anesthesia might’ve swollen the blood vessels making stitching impossible but I’m just guessing. The doctors later told me that I was extremely lucky that I didn’t put my eye out on the hook.
Much later, like 12 years later, I was working at a deli counter. The deli just closed and I was tasked with cleaning the meat slicers. They had chain-mail gloves for you to wear while cleaning the blade but no one used them. I was scrubbing the blade when the scrubber brush slipped off the edge of the blade and went right through my right middle finger, down to the bone. Yay, more stitches. I wore the chainmail gloves after that.
Throughout all this, I was extremely clumsy (couldn’t you tell?). I’ve walked into walls, parked cars, bicycles…you name it, I walked into it because I wasn’t looking.
About ten years ago (I told this story already), I was nearly hit by a woman driving with a cell phone and I got the middle finger for it.
I wonder how I survived.
My mom said I nearly died shortly after I was born because I had an allergy to something that was in my environment that nobody could identify… They said I nearly died many times, but then it just went away. And I always pwn myself IRL on bike.
Closest for me were when i were walking in the middle of the road, and then a truck passed beside me, about half a meter from me.
When I was seven I was walking to school in the morning. There was a snowplow coming towards me from behind, and I think the driver didn’t notice me. I was kind of afraid of big machines at that age, so I started running forward. The ground was very slippery from the extremely compressed snow so I tripped right in front of the snowplow and it was coming towards me pretty fast. It got quite close before I managed to crawl to the side. At that time I was quite sure I would have died. Nowadays I don’t know if it would have even injured me, but at least I would have propably buried under the snow and that would have sucked.
Also, about ten years old I fell two meters and landed on my face. I think that my neck would have cracked if the angle would have been different but luckily I just got a big whack on my chest and sprained my wrist.
I can’t remember being close to dying, but I once passed out after donating blood because I wouldn’t lie down as long as they had told me to. So when I had just gotten up all my blood basically dropped from my head, and the last thing I remember is something about airplanes and flying, before waking up on the floor with a bunch of people around me. Real trippy shit.
That’s nowhere near dying, bro. I love doing that after giving blood.
Oh yeah, I completely forgot about the time I held a gun to my head when I was 14 or 16. I still don’t know why I didn’t pull the trigger…
I’m completely terrified of driving on ice for similar reasons. I really don’t want to slide into anything or one like that.
Well, as I said, I couldn’t remember having ever been close to dying, so I just told about my post-donating journey in my mind instead.
Which isn’t really relevant at all.
Because then you’d never get to experience Black Mesa :3
Oh, and the closest I have come to death? I’m really not sure.
It might have been when me and a buddy thought it would be fun to see how far up a mountain we could climb without equipment. We actually got pretty far, and at one point I lost my balance and was pretty close to falling down at least 30 meters. I still wonder what would’ve happened if I did fall back then.
And that time when I was late for soccer practice and decided to get over the road on my bike in stead of waiting for the cars to pass. Luckily I stopped before I got in front of the car, and the guy driving stepped on the breaks. The car didn’t stop until it was around 15-20 meters down the road. I just kept going on my bike and didn’t look back, shocked and confused. That’s the last time I assumed cars would stop for bikes 
Was run over by a motorcycle when I was like, 6 or 7. Drove over my leg, up my body and over my face. No scars, broken limbs, bruises, concussion, anything.
when i almost drowned.
God, we’re a bunch of hardcore death-defying motherfuckers aren’t we? Black Mesa forums laugh in the face of death every day!
I stubbed my toe.
Shit got real that day :hmph:
Oh another one, I almost forgot about it, until I looked in a mirror just now.
When I was 7, I went swimming with my older brothers. It was Sunday-Playday, so the pool was filled with all kinds of floating junk (inner tires, foam boards and all that shizzle).
Me and my brothers managed to get one big foam board and one smaller board. We were victorious (the big boards (2 of them in total) were a much desired piece of equipment amongst the kids). So in order to defend the invading masses, we put the big board against one side of the pool, and used the smaller board as walkingboard to access the “shore”.
So anyway, me being Captain Retard, I stepped on the smaller board to get to shore and taunt the inferior kids and their inner tires. My brothers were holding the big board in place so it wouldn’t float away, causing the small board to fall into the water with me on it. But, at that point, someone that knew my brothers from school, yelled their name. So they turned around and swam to him, leaving the board free to float away. Then white flash and I can’t remember anything.
I wake up in the hospital with stitches below my eye and a terrible pain in my chest.
According to what my parents told me, the small board had collapsed, I fell down, hit the side of the pool face first, causing the plexi-glass of my goggles to pierce the rubber holding it in place, as well as rip through the skin and flesh just below my eye .I fell into the water unconscious, the little board floated above me. The safeguard noticed after a while because of the massive puddle of blood spreading through the water.
They had to clear the entire pool, empty it, clean it and fill it up again.
Eye-scar-thing (though not really that visibly anymore).
Geez, can’t believe you had to ruin everyone’s good time .
Nearly drowned at 12 when the river flow dragged me to deep waters. Got rescued by my friends’ mom.
At about 15, a car dashed at about 70kph about 10 cm from me while I was looking to another side. I was JUST about to cross the road.
Another one that happened to me when I was about two.
I was sitting in one of these things.
I was at the top of a flight of 24 stairs and I thought the smart thing to do was to walk my self over and plummet down it. I did. My walker and I crashed down the stairs, flipping, spinning, and even a couple of barrel rolls. At the bottom I land face down. The babysitter comes rushing over to me and all I had was a broken nose.
I hit a steel van.
I was with my Grandma, but she fell asleep while we watching a movie at home. I snuck out and got my walkman playing linkin park as loud as possble and went coasting through alleyways I didn’t know…
and then I was sleeping. But, I couldn’t be sleeping, I was just riding my bike…
And then I woke up with a bunch of cops all around me. I had run into a steel van and left a dent the size of my head in the steel door. I ended up n the E.R. with a concussion. There was a hot nurse attending to me. B) My grandma just about had kittens when the hospital called…
lol i crossed the road, from where a woman should have waited, she overtook the lorry who let me pass (very slow moving traffic) so she came to the right of me, i ended up sitting on top of her bonnet with my leg hit against radiator area, just got off smiled at the woman driver who looked traumatised and looked back to my mate who said, “jesus, are you alright” i replied “what?”