That’s the short and the end of it for me, too.
wow, didn’t know that we had members who considered suicide at some point of their life
Would you believe? There may even be women in here, too! Unbelievable eh?
Still do on occasions. I’ve learned to mostly deal with my emotion in productive ways over the course of way too many years, but every now and then i find myself seriously considering the best way to do it without upsetting my relations too much.
I consider my life to have started after I graduated high school, got a car, and a job. Things got so much better for me I don’t even know where to start.
I had a gun to my head around 20 years ago when I was 17. I was seriously considering pulling the trigger, and have no idea why I didn’t. Now, the thing that keeps me from ever doing it is that I want to see what happens next. I have become quite a curious fellow.
damn, School is indeed a hell for lot of kids, mostly the victims of bullying, but what was it that made you wanting to kill yourself so bad ?
For me, school has never had anything to do with it.
The feeling of being stuck in my head is what causes it for me. I’ve felt like that for a long time and it doesn’t seem like it will ever stop.
What Karamazov and Winged One said goes for me too, actually.
So sorry for your loss, Orpheon 
I’m sorry for your loss. I can empathize with your position. The honorable thing to do would be to take the stuff and set it up with what he wanted you to have.
I lost a dear friend of mine about 4 months ago and I didn’t find out about it till a few weeks ago. Drug overdose. It’s no where close to a similar situation mind you, but it’s similar destructive behavior.
I’ve not been in the boots of some of the other members, I never once considered taking my own life, I would say about 1/2 of the way down the road before I just realized there’s more shit in my life than just that and it was just a pointless waste of time. Different people have different coping mechanisms.
I prefer beating the crap out of someone or something through sparring if I’m that upset. Working out helps too. Hold in there, and I hope your friend finds peace in the afterlife.
For me, I felt like an outcast since my second day of kindergarten. I missed the actual second day of school when they assigned seats, sat in someone else’s seat not knowing, got scolded, and never recovered.
In first and second grade I got punched in the stomach every day after class on the way to the buses.
I have (still) never had a real friend. I didn’t even hang out with anyone in my school days. I asked a girl out in the 7th grade and got teased mercilessly by everyone int he class. Asked another girl out in 10th grade, she said yes and stood me up. Asked another girl out during summer vacation before junior year and got a fake number.
People were always trying to stick stuff on my back, or get gum in my long hair, or stomp on my book bag. I got randomly punched or tripped in the hallway by different people. I was always teased for being incredibly skinny with dry flaky skin and messed up teeth.
My grades were very good and I had no idea what I was going to do directly after high school (even though I was pretty sure of what I would be doing with my life, which is also what I am doing now as an architectural designer).
I just didn’t see things getting any better, ever. I was surprised at how much better they got after I graduated. I got a car, a job, and then a girlfriend, I got into a band, and everything just kept getting better and better.
I still feel like an outcast in my school, but I’ve learnt to live with it.
Also, I’m very sorry for your loss Orpheon.
man, what a rough childhood you had there, if I was in the same situation as you, I would be long rotting in prison, because I really don’t have that cool temper, I would really killed someone if they kept harassing me like that not the other way around, umm suicide I mean
I almost slammed a pipe clamp into a kid’s head in wood shop one year. I am so surprised I didn’t. He would have been dead, and I would have died in jail (I wouldn’t have made it to prison).
I still want to punch Derrick Freedman in the gut a few times (the kind who punched my in elementary school). Yeah, I said his real name. I don’t give a shit right now.
also, you have to remember, I was epileptic as a child. I started taking medication for it in the 3rd grade, but it slowed me down socially for over a decade of my life. I still don’t think I have caught up…
it’s not your fault, some people are just MEAN bastards who really are a waste of oxygen, but be glad since you said that you’re happy with your job and life now 
It hampered my ability to stand up for myself. It hampered my ability to make friends. Derrick would have been a no good piece of shit either way, but if I hadn’t been stunted, I might have had a friend on my side, if not in grade school than in high school, maybe. The world will never know though.
Sorry for your loss, Orpheon. My first thought was already said by Strangelove, but that’s not necessarily the case, maybe he just wanted you to benefit from his rig, rather than having something hidden away for you on it.
If it’s what he wanted, I personally think you should do it. (Which, looking back on the thread, you have already decided to)
I felt like an outcast for all of primary school, and the first year and a half or so of secondary/high school, because by then I was too withdrawn to seek out new friends (which I did find eventually) I attempted suicide twice (both poorly thought out plans involving falling from heights when I was very young and not overly aware of just how high a fall you’d need to even sustain injuries more serious than bruises) and I thought about it briefly quite a few other times over the years when things were going particularly poorly.
But then I realized that’s what they* want me to do. So fuck them.
I wish more people would come to this train of thought rather than killing themselves.
*I have no idea who “they” are, or if they exist, but they are bad people and don’t deserve to have their way.
I have considered faking my death and making it appear real in way that they have nothing to bury(pretending to jump off of a cliff where someone sees me, but landing on some hidden ledge.) and then moving on and eventually come back to my family and friends after a few years. I find that most people really don’t want to die, they just want to get away from their current lives.
id be in the same boat too.
@TheeGoatPig -
Those things… that fact that people do that kind of thing… I shit you not it makes my blood boil. If I saw that happen to anyone, Id be right there with a bat.
Unfortunately… some people unluckily don’t make it to that part of their life when it all gets better.
am glad I had a great time both in school and collage, had a lot of friends back then, and I mean a lot!, never had any trouble with bullying =]
Sorry I haven’t checked back in for a while. I just wanted to say thanks again for everyone’s support and stories.
Everyone has a tragic story to tell, some are severe, others not so much. The body may heal, but the mind is not so resilient.
I’d share my story, but speaking objectively I doubt many people here bother reading into others’ tales.
Main point being, no one is ever truly alone, and people do care for your well being, even if they don’t show it openly.