need your opinion on the lyrics of my song

#1

hey guys, recently I’ve been working on my own songs after 3 years of covering other bands. here’s my first lyrics for my song, need your opinions on it and suggestions would be cool

                                                  I Am Nothing

“Verse1”

I am Hated, Rejected!
I am Tired of this
I can’t hear you anymore
I am Nothing, no More!

“Chorus”
no more abusing me
no more lying to me
my feelings are hungry for more
all I see is deception
all I feel is rejection

“Verse2”
give me your feelings
so I can step on them
I’ll give you my heart
so you can break it

“Chorus”
am so sick of your games
you cannot see the pain that’s
inside of me !
you cannot understand my feelings
I am nothing but a lifeless void

“Interlude + Solo”

“Verse3”

I am Hated, Rejected!
I am Nothing, no More!
I can’t hear you anymore
I am Nothing, no More!

“Chorus”
no more abusing me
no more lying to me
my feelings are hungry for more
all I see is deception
all I feel is rejection

“Outro”

#2

Too angsty for my tastes, but you might want to let us know what kind of music it’s for. Ballad style? Acid metal? Gregorian chant?

#3

Angsty lyrics aren’t bad by default, the problem with these lyrics is that they’re super generic. They could have been written by any other emo kid. I don’t want to offend you Shadi, it’s just that they feel really shallow and unoriginal.

#4

tell us how you really feel shadi

#5

oh wow what

#6

from the beginning of the start I’ve always felt

the days flew past with the time and the daze

enjoying our lives, we were all in a haze

I know one day, I’ll get up, we’ll rise

but 'til then I won’t let the clock phase me

beer in hand and I let our gazes meet

you’ll feel good, she’ll feel right

we go home and our bodies touch, my feelings fly

the morning comes, the sun shines

we both go our separate ways, this is how it’s always been

from the beginning of the start I’ve always felt

the days flew past with the time and the daze

enjoying our lives, we were all in a haze

I know one day, I’ll get up, we’ll rise

but 'til then I won’t let the clock phase me

that sour taste in my mouth, rotten, dreary wake-ups

shake it off, tomorrow is soon, thoughts of brighter days—

make me swoon, regular habits and routine behaviors

indulge in food and chat with friends, up to date with usual trends

this is how it’s always been and will always be

I just made this and I MAY OR MAY NOT have had a few beverages, but regardless.

#7

ees bad shadi

#8

Really goddam generic.

#9

it needs more wicker ferrets.

#10

Oh shadi, I know you can do better than that!

Unless this is for metal, in which case, this is golden.

mind you, so could “I run through fucking daisies” over and over and over for all the bloody sense that that noise makes.[/SIZE] >_>

#11

I think anything can go to “Metal”.

THIS ABOVE ALL TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE!
ROMEO ROMEO, WHEREFORE ART THOU, ROMEO!
ALAS, POOR YORICK, I KNEW HIM, HORATIO! (I KNEW HIM!)

:wink:

#12

it’s alright if you guys didn’t like it, gimme some good suggestions.

oh and it’s for a “heavy\grunge” song

#13

sing about how you’re gonna kick someones ass instead, that’ll make for a nice change

#14

sure thing, I got a lot of lyrics in my mind, it’s just I need time to find the “right” melody for it ya know

#15

Needs to be more cryptic. Be a poet instead of a kid writing an angry entry in his diary.

#16

Gimme dem burgers gonna eat em all up
Gimme dem burgers don’t need no ketchup
Gimme dem burgers that’s all that I need
Gonna eat burger till I piss sesame seed

#17

Win.

#18

you are wonderful

#19

needs more piglets, being lured into crypts.

#20

that’s more like rap :meh:

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