You would think the Corgi lover would come to a thread called, " criticism".
the problem is that it’s called critism
So this thread is about criting the OP’s writing skills?
Your writing sucks because it sound gay. Make it less gay. CRITICal hit!
How can writing sound gay? Is it the high-pitched voice? Or the homosexual prosody? Nice pun btw.
Ah haha… my spelling is terrible guys. But so far it’s all been great advise, I’ll be posting my progress soon.
:fffuuu:
:jizz:
I liked it here before Piefish returned and spammed every thread with his retarded pictures.
U mad?
Attempting to communicate in your own language:
I trust and respect your opinion
- By not starting
- Everything
- Nothing
- %NaN%
- c_c
You’re a pretty funny guy.
[COLOR=‘Black’]Hah, just kidding, you’re an asshole.
easily one of the most purple things i’ve read in a long time, and i read lovecraft on a daily basis. no wait, that sounds like a compliment. lemme rephrase that… lovecraft is arabesque. you are purple.
like somebody else said, you use wayyy too much metaphor. i’m not even sure what idea you were trying to get at. something about something being old or a description of a rock or something. it’s really not good. go read something by authors who express things more concretely and make another attempt. suggestions: bukowski, hemingway, bradbury, vonnegut.
tl;dr: your biggest problem is over expressing things. short sentences. convey through tone rather than description.
You used the word erection in an arousing way by most American standards :retard:
But yeah, break it down a little, I barely read it. I got to erected and then gave up.
Way to many adjectives and foreign words. Though I understand most, people these days, espically youth, don’t understand stuff like that. If you’re borrowing from Lovecraft or Shakespeare; don’t. You need to read a more modern books to get a better sense of wording.
"Nor had the subtle silhouette of hollowed trees eroded in the gut of beetle distorted in position from former passing by the cosmic alignment. "
If I read that sentence in any book I would put it down due to lack of imagination. You overdue detail, use simplier words. I don’t even understand that sentence and Lovecraft is my Author of choice.
Cthulhu Fthagn.
You know of Vonnegut ? :awesome: I lave you…