Anthony Robbins suggests making a “list” of you want - and make it detailed - and another list as to what is a deal breaker. make your choices from there -
I am not sure I completely agree, but I do certainly think that folks do well to actually THINK about their relationship choices, adn not just settle for what comes along.
Our biology will Lie to us, so we do well to consider that.
When I was 19, a deal breaker for me was that he had to be a Christian.
Five years, 1 child, and a broken abusive marriage later, I changed that idea and decided it was more important that he treat me well and accept that any children from the relationship would be raised Christians. Then along came prince charming. Apparently it was not a deal breaker for HIM that he date a Christian instead of an Atheist. A year into the relationship he became a Christian and all has been bliss.
I guess what I am saying is that even with deal breakers you could probably be cautious how stringent you are with it. Cuz you never know when or if those deal breakers turn out to not be such a deal breaker.
I suppose that is worth considering.
At my age though, I pretty much have a good take on what would work for me, and what would not.
No smoking (I quite, and would not want to be tempted back to it - not that it is likely… besides, in the long haul, a smoker has greater odds of having health issues - ACK)
MUST be rational and intelligent - NO stupid/histrionic partners thanks - it would not work. I am not saying a vulcan - men and women are different for sure, but I have had way too much drama in my world - enough to last a life time thanks.
Would have to have a fairly high moral standard - no flakes thanks. (Honesty is a must - When you have the truth, you can work through anything - when there is deception… Best pack up and call it finished, because you don’t know what the hell you have.
MUST enjoy being spoiled - Having dinner made (Here and there) getting long massages (Without it always being a sex ploy) have a sense of humor, and enjoy intelligent conversation.
Oh yes… and strong enough to call and ace an ace and a spade a spade - no co-dependants - (Bleh)
Those for me would be deal breakers - without fail. Life is too short to mess around with stupidity.
(Just sayin")
As far as I’m concerned, I’ve had it with relationships for now. My last one was my first, and it turned out quite horribly. I’ll settle for having some fun for now tbh. At 20 I think that’s pretty reasonable.
Yup
Very sensible.
You sound like me when I had a horrible breakup with my first serious girlfriend at age 19.
I haven’t gotten laid in two years.
Really take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you’ll be happy “just having some fun.” For me, sex without love is meaningless.
Try exercising yourself:
It is hard to do those things sometimes. I only listed those things here because I am making progress with that. I still don’t feel comfortable sometimes, many times I just don’t want to do any of that, but I improved considerably. The most important is to get embarrassed without giving up. Don’t mind if your head gets all red in the first try.
If you try talking only with girls, you might get frustrated and feel like you made no progress. That’s why it’s important to interact with everyone. Hide your clock and ask what time is it, how much was the last World Cup game even when you know, make funny (but respectful) comments on what people are doing or talking about… Anyway, act like everybody knew you.
Good luck trying to man up! 
We both need it 
That’s some good advice. I’ve made a lot of progress in that department over the past two years or so though. It’s mainly at parties (the dancing kind) and stuff like that where I usually freeze up, since there’s not really much else to do than to start dancing with the girl or something, and I just don’t have the balls (yet).
True. I’m not going to avoid anything serious, but I cba to actually try to get it at the moment. I’m a bit of a romantic so that’ll probably change soon enough. The biggest problem is I don’t fall in love easily. I’ve only had one or two crushes that are hardly even worth mentioning and I’ve only been in love once.
You are somehow like me. I’ve also only been in love once and had two or three crushes not worth mentioning. But you are actually a bit better than me because I didn’t have any girlfriends so far, and I’ve only been making “progress in that department” for one year and a half or so. Or less than one year if you consider that my attempts last year were mostly unsuccessful.
I got kind of lucky in both departments. Or unlucky in one of them depending on how you look at it.
My best friend really helped me with getting over my inferiority complex (shyness) to some extent.
So the lesson here, kids, is that you shouldn’t have those dealbreakers in place. You can go into a relationship expecting your partner to change to meet your needs. :fffuuu:
I hear failed expectations of change are how most marriages end.
Well, there are many factors that end relationships - Many.
All I can say from experience, is that our biology will lie to us. We can meet someone, and suddenly, we are “In Love”. If a person is lucky, that bliss can last up to 2 years.
(Rarely longer, sometimes shorter, but according to research, around two years.)
After that, the checmicals have lessened to a large enough degree, that we get our “Real” brain back. that is when we start to see the person we are with correctly - I believe in LONG courtships and short engagements (if a person is going to go that route - Well, I actually mean, a short time to “cement” the relationship)
I hate the idea of biology playing tricks on our normal thinking, but pretty much everyone goes through it. I would rather skip the first two years, and just get down to it - (Shrugs)
One of the hardest things in life is to take that “step”, where your stomach is like “I REALLY DONT WANT TO DO THIS”, you have to train yourself to push yourself and do it anyway.
One you master that, you’re set! Also, I agree that you shouldn’t expect them to be perfect- people change. My partner went from an orthodox Christian to an agnostic atheist, similiarly to Catz but reverse.
[COLOR=‘Black’](We’re still religious, our own way, we just don’t believe in invisible people in the sky)
It honestly didn’t matter to me, but as you find more about yourself, that person, and as life generally unfolds things just tend to change.
I remember how hard it was for me to simply tell a girl I thought she looked nice that day.
Man, I was a chickenshit.
I am not sure I understand this post. In both relationships, I did not expect either of them to change, but to simply accept who I was.
He’s saying that statistically speaking, most marriages end because a partner, or both partners, expect the other one to change, and they don’t. Causing them to end up resenting each other.
I’m just picky as hell, and am currently in a stage where I meet VERY few people, and I SHOULD start going to group therapy or something.
For me, the false honeymoon period tends to last, at most, a couple weeks, if even. However, the very few people I’ve met/seen have not interested me at all.
My main expectation about a girlfriend is that she likes me for who I am and not for who she will try to turn me into. Yes, yes, I am distracted, I am confused, I talk to myself all the time, I act like a crazy schizophrenic sometimes, definitely, but, no, don’t even think about trying to change me. Either you like me like this or you shouldn’t be with me, period.
I also hope that she is dedicated to what she does and that she has qualities like moral, honor and faith in herself. Or maybe just qualities of her own, different from mine, but something that I respect and admire. But this I will only see after being with her for a while, so that is not something that will impeach me from dating or trying to get in a relationship with.
I got unlucky on the girl I loved. It was not lack of courage (she even told her friend she was surprised about my courage after I told her I liked her). It was rather my “ideologies” that got in the way (actually, they were stupidities I used to base my life on).
But I still believe in myself, more than I have ever. And I have unique qualities, I have a dream, a future and nice friends; after all, life it’s not only about getting a girlfriend (or sex).
One more thing in common. Really good friends are a bless, I can tell you that 
You got that right. If it wasn’t for her I’d probably be a shut-in by now.
…
…are you me, by any chance?
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