German Bureaucracy Sucks Monkey Balls

#1

I have recently moved to Germany from China (long story short- I lived in Japan but my girlfriend was living in China so I moved to China but then we decided to move to her motherland)
ANYWAY; before moving to Germany I did do some research on what I would need in order to live and work here. The general consensus was that by being an EU (I’m a Brit) citizen it wouldn’t be a problem and that I could just turn up and work.
The reality, however, is far from that.
I knew that I was unlikely to be able to jump into a job right away and would probably end up working one or two days a week until I could get something more serious.

Here lies the problem; while I do now have a job, it is only one day a week (it starts on Saturday). I am hoping it is something which will lead to other things.
I have just discovered that I cannot start work until I have Health Insurance. It is compulsory for all people living in Germany to have government Health Insurance (travel insurance and many private insurance does not count)
According to most of the expat websites this insurance costs around 300Euro per month, which is more than I can currently earn with my job. AWESOME!

I can’t work until I get health insurance and I can’t get health insurance until I get a job with which I can pay for said insurance.

So it seems that it is actually impossible for me to work here at all. I have a ‘staff meeting’ tomorrow where I will voice my concerns to my potential employers and undoubtedly look like a complete idiot and the chances are that I will lose this job before I’ve even started it.

In short, I AM FUCKED.

My current experience of Germany is that people here shit paperwork and in general most government employees are the rudest people in the world (outside of Russia). I mean, they are just so damn rude! You ask a simple question and the usual responce is “That’s not my department” or “This is not my problem” I’m about ready to either punch someone in the face or cry. The only way I can feel better is if the dev team release BMS now.

I know none of you care about this, but I just need to rant.

#2

Can’t you take up a loan?

#3

Without a job my bank wont give me one. I’m also in enough debt already :slight_smile:

I guess I will just play WoW and pretend that everything is fine. Then my gf will kick me out because I’ll essentially be leeching off her and I’ll go on the streets and get addicted to huffing paint. Then I’ll end up selling my ass for money to feed my addiction.
Then I’ll die having never played Black Mesa Source.

#4

It’s those kinds of jokes which don’t go down well here. I know because I’ve made them.
Also Berliners don’t like jokes about ‘Walls’.

#5

I really don’t know where you got that from. The costs of the Insurance are mostly depending on your monthly income.

And to the germans are rude thingy:
It just sounds like that, espeacially in berlin. They really don’t mean to be rude, it’s just like germans talk. It’s also okay to make nazi jokes, once you get to know people. You can’t just walk up to random people and say “hey, kraut! how many jews have been gassed by your grandpa?! haha!”. :wink:

#6

You could borrow money from your girlfriend for the insurance, and then pay them back when you have a job and money?

#7

Karamazov - do you owe somebody here an apology?

#8

This ^

Especially considering that it isn’t the first time you move…
Looks like you have already moved from Great Britain to Japan (ok, perhaps that was at young age), then to China, then to Germany.
I’d suppose you would already know things are perhaps different (Japan to China) but coming to Europe would mean big difference.
Hell even when moving inside Europe, things can already be a lot different.

So the fact that you didn’t research that stuff before moving, knowing that you are already in debt, is quite impulsive to say the least.

#9

Well I asked all my German friends for information because I thought they would give me the info I needed.
They never mentioned this at all.

Also, even I am unsure how I missed this out. I mean, I checked government websites and websites about moving to and working in Germany and I just never saw anything about health insurance. Perhaps I had a mental block to it or something.

As for rude Germans, it’s not the general public who are rude, just the people with a little bit of power. You give a man a name tag and tell him to supervise the water cooler and he’ll think he’s Napoleon and become the biggest asshole in the building.
It’s not just Germans who do this, but they seem to be more vocally rude than I’m used to.
The general public are fine.

#10

So what you’re saying is every time you try to get something done… you hit a wall?

#11

Like jerry said: Borrow 300€ from your girlfriend, buy health insurence, get a job that month, pay it back. If you don’t get a job that month, borrow another 300€, etc…
Don’t be picky and choose any legal work by the book (be in order with government taxes), you’ll probably find any job in 2 months and be able to pay back the 300/600€.
After some months, you’ve got a good start and you could look out for a better paid job and one you actually like, or are used to doing now, and then start paying off your debts.

#12

She’s unemployed too, so we’re in an awesome financial situation. :smiley:

Anyway, I just found out that because I am earning under 400€ per month I don’t have to pay. Well, this is what the insurance company said, but I don’t entirely trust them.
We’ll see how this all pans out.

On the plus side, Berlin is a pretty cheap place to live, so that isn’t an issue.

Thanks for the advice guys

#13

So it’s like Vapo said, depending on your income.

Good luck :slight_smile:

#14

Napoleon was the French one, bro.

#15

looking for jobs sucks in general, those who already have a job are holding on for dear life, and those who just got a job are at risk of getting fired for any random reason like sneezing or if the boss just doesn’t like your face

#16

If you earn less than 400€ in Germany, you don’t have to pay for any health insurance. Same’s for old age insurance or benefits für social security. Your employer hast to pay all those, if applicable. Also you usually don’t pay taxes on said income, as long it’s your only job. Every further job you have is taxed immediately with round about 40% tax. You can get that back at the end of the year on tax return if you earn less than 8004€ annually.

Further required insurances: liability insurance when driving a car (usually only the owner, allowance to drive the car may then be restricted to certain persons), benefits für social security (see above).

If you’re unemployed (usually people earning less than 400€ can be considered unemployed), try to get a residency permit and you might be eligable to unemployment benefits - I’m not quite sure about this. Go to your local “Agentur für Arbeit” to check on this.

Hope this helps a bit.

And this thingi with the bureaucracy, it seems to be only there to annoy the hell out of people, but usually it really saves your ass sometimes (liability in a car crash). The rude clerks are mostly frustrated people, who hear a question about 500 times a day - everyone would get grudgy someday. From what I’ve heared, the italian bureaucracy ist a real bitch.

By the way, jokes about the holocaust are considered a no-go in Germany - we’re to busy passing the guilt about it on to further generations to fully be able to comprehend any foreigners making fun of it.

#17

Thanks. I’m not entitled to any benefits (quite rightly) because I am an immigrant. I would think the system was insane if I could just come over and leech off of your country. Ahaha.
I have essentially been living in the Rathuas with the amount of times I have had to go there. I have my residency permit.
You forgot about Church Tax! A tax on your religion sounds lame.

Problem is that the job I have is freelance/mini-job, so the employer wont pay shit.

Of course. I was joking earlier about making holocaust jokes. But I do find people overly sensitive towards such things. English sense of humour tends to make light of a bad situation. I made a joke about Ai Wei Wei being in Chinese prison and losing lots of weight. I said that at least it was a good diet plan, like a health camp.

I don’t know if it was the fact that I used the word ‘camp’ or what, but it seriously upset a few of my German acquaintances. Seriously, they were pissed off at me. It’s frustrating that I really have to watch what I say.
Also I used the word ‘Aryan’ to talk about Nordic blonde haired, blue eyed people. (which is actually it’s definition). I was told that I cannot use that word in Germany, although I can see why and if I had chosen my words better I would have avoided using it.
I even worry about using the word ‘Jew’ or ‘Jewish’ after another acquaintance told me she was scared of Jews because she thought they hated her and wanted her dead over what happened in the war.

eh? I never suggested otherwise.

#18

Hey, that’s what Belgium is for, apparently.
It’s gonna blow up here sooner or later, starting in Brussels.

#19

Hey look, it’s one of those uninformed nationalist-slash-racists from Flanders.

It’s not going to blow up because there is no problem regarding legal immigration. If anything, legal immigration is the least of Belgium’s worries.

#20

Bolteh, I apologize, I’m actually no racist at all. Or a nationalist, I’m as much Belgian as I am from Flanders (West-).

I simply wanted to joke in the thread with the fact that Belgium is so popular with immigrants. I actually have no problem with that. As with the “no government” thing, I like to make fun of that too, but looks like that’ll work out.

I shouldn’t have generalized, although i was joking, though. I’m not bitter at all.

Founded in 2004, Leakfree.org became one of the first online communities dedicated to Valve’s Source engine development. It is more famously known for the formation of Black Mesa: Source under the 'Leakfree Modification Team' handle in September 2004.