Black Mesa was released two months ago, and in that short period of time my life turned around for the worst. I can’t even describe how anxious I was when I clicked the download link. I remember… it was slow. I had to count myself lucky, it was a rainy day, nothing to do outside. With my car in the shop, and work projects set on hiatus, I had the perfect excuse to stay home. Waiting a few hours for a very anticipated moment gaming experience was hard, but I could only think of all the poor souls who weren’t so lucky to have a gaming day to themselves. I figured I might as well stop by the liquor store and pick up a case of something to compliment all the bloodshed I was about to enjoy. Guinness was the perfect choice.
I grabbed my coat, wallet, and ID. Funny how they still carded me, guess it’s on the count of me looking young and barely ever coming in. I unbolted the lock, and right before I stepped foot into the apartment hallway Lacy called the house phone. Three years we were together. She was always so sweet to me, she was there for me when my mom passed, when I was sick in the hospital with appendicitis, and when I left it all to peruse my dream, she came with. Three years, I wanted her to be there for me, forever. On that phone call she told me about her day, but I was to anxious to talk over the phone, I dismissed her advanced of coming over and turned it around to me not feeling well. I even did a couple fake coughs. She said she understood, but I could hear in her voice that all she wanted to do was feel loved. I told her goodbye, left the phone off the hook.
I didn’t think of Lacy once on the walk to the liqueur store. My mind filled with previously viewed images of Black Mesa, of the online experience, of a chance to be a kid again. My walk turned into a run, and then into a full sprint. I didn’t even mind the rain pouring over my head and clothes. It was like a new beginning, a baptism. Finally I reached my destination, the chime of the door alerted the clerks someone was coming in when I swung the doors open nearly off their hinges. I got to the section I was looking for. Black Lager, Harp, Bintang. All no good. Then I saw it, my eyes lit up like a Christmas tree: Guinness! I hustled to the store front, slammed the delicious six pack down, and handed the teller my change. She smiled and asked why I wasn’t in a good mood. She couldn’t have understood, nobody could have understood the amount of euphoria rushing through my brain. I just smiled at her and told her I’d been waiting a long time for this day. She bagged the sweet brew into a paper bag so the rain didn’t get on it, but I nearly just grabbed it out of her hand. I was heading home to play black mesa.
My apartment. The walk was long, I remember that. All I thought about was the tiny progress bar growing into a monster and consuming the entirety of my screen. Would it be sixty percent? Seventy? Ninety? When I got inside I rushed to the computer, leaving the beer sitting on the wooden table supposedly used for having dinner on. To my surprise it was nearly done, only three percent left. The estimated time left was only ten minutes. I have no idea just how long I was gone, but it must have been hours. In the ten minutes of freedom I had, I cracked open the first beer, leaving five left, and used the little boys room. I thought a quick look on the forums might tell me if anyone had actually begun to play the mod yet, but I resisted the temptation. It seemed like not shortly after five sips of the most amazing beer I’d ever had, the mod was ready to install. Black Mesa was on it’s way.
The phone was off the hook, my apartment was dark, with blinds pulled, and there wasn’t a single sound to be heard. My headphones were plugged in and the splash screen gave a little brightness to the somber atmosphere I had created in my patient silence. First thing was first, I immediately set my controls to my liking and preference and maxed out the games ability to run on my computer. Everything was almost perfect. I grabbed another beer and cracked it open. Perfection. I started the game, and the most beautiful sound met my ears like audible candy, “Good morning, and welcome to the Black Mesa Transit System”. I nearly cried! I had just begun my journey into the most anticipated moment of my life. Normality changed to chaos, and bullets began to fire. All at the same time my apartment felt sad and dismal, the only noise, besides the small echos escaping from my headset, was the dial tone of my corded phone.
Days turned to weeks, the phone stayed off the hook, unless I had to order a pizza, or Chinese. I intentionally avoided Lacy. I head a couple knocks on the door, with a sweet voice calling out my name. I was too busy replaying Black Mesa, and gaming online with fellow forum friends. It wasn’t more than ten to twenty knocks at a time, and the annoyance would disperse. I never showered, and whenever food was ordered I exchanged money with the door ajar-ed. None of this bothered me, I was happy and content. The beer ran out after the first day, so I looked around the apartment to find an old cache of liquor from my party days, and memories of my former friends. I drank tequila, vodka, mixers, and even managed to down an entire bottle of ever clear. It dawned on me eventually that I had missed far too many days of work to remain employed. It didn’t bother me, I had plenty of money saved up and finding another job would be no difficult task. Heck, I thought it would be a good idea just to work from home. I didn’t like the walks anyways.
I had conjoined to the game, it was a part of me. I lived, breathed, and thought Black Mesa. Thoughts began to tumble around my head. Did I make this game? Am I a part of this world? Do I belong in this chair, playing for eternity? Time began to fade, and had no meaning. Playful anxiety turned into fierce attacks of doubting reality. And the worst of it was my physical appearance. My face had began to take shape of a peperoni pizza, I didn’t even think I could get acne anymore. It was probably just on the account of not showering, and an excess of sweat. I was losing my mind, but as long as I kept my eyes fixed on the screen nothing else had any meaning.
A month had gone by. No showering, no hygiene care, no real sleep. I had no idea where I was. It wasn’t until I heard a loud knock on the door that I snapped back into the world of the living once more. Everything else was a blur, and I still question what really happened. “Police, OPEN UP!” the knocker yelled. In a panic state I remained calm, Black Mesa still illuminating the room. “We are here for you’re protection, we have a warrant and we are coming in!” He yelled again. Still I had no reply. I heard soft murmuring, and even the sound of Lacy’s sweet voice. “Okay, knock it down” someone else chimed in. There was a loud smash and the door splintered off into pieces around the room. The force of the impact was so great the blinds knocked off their crudely designed resting place allowing light to shine in like deadly rays. First I was blinded, and thought they someone was trying to kill me. But then the room came into focus, the floor was drenched with sweat, bottles of liquor thrown carelessly about next to half eaten pizzas. Shortly after EMT’s ran into the room next to the two police men, who at this point were completely baffled by what they saw. The EMT’s grabbed me, and I resisted their advances, but against my will was removed from my leather chair. After that it was a blur, but in the police reports the officers described me as a shirtless, obese, acne ridden vampire. They didn’t even turn my computer off, and Black Mesa was still playing.
The next thing I remember was in the hospital. I was alone, and for the first time consciously thought of Lacy. I called her name, but the very effort hurt my dry throat. My eyes still hurt, and there were tubes poking into my arms. The doctor came in and told me his name, and shook my hand. It was a low blow. He told me that I was malnourished a and near death, and lucky that I was found in time. He didn’t stop talking about Lacy, and her beauty. I had no idea what was happening, and it felt like I was coming out of a scary and real nightmare. They held me for a couple of days, and monitored my condition. Apparently I was in pretty bad shape. A month of eating pizzas and not taking care of yourself is pretty deadly. I didn’t care, however, I still wanted to go back home and play black mesa. I was in a prison.
They allowed me to return home,and I was greeted by the memories of my once existing door. Upon entering I noticed the apartment was completely spotless, the phone had been hung up, and my laundry had been done. There was a note from Lacy. It read: “Dear Brian, I loved you with all my heart and this is why it pains me to let you go. There was a time when we both cared about each other. I can’t watch you spiral away like this, again. I cleaned up your place to help you ease back into normality. Please don’t call, Brian. It will hurt me to much to talk to you again”. I didn’t listen to her note, I imminently called her, but her number had been changed. I ran to her house, which was a forty five minute drive, and felt like a marathon on foot in my condition. She was home, but refused to answer the door. I sadly walked home, tears running down my fatty cheek bones, and thinking of all the things I’d lost. Work, Lacy, my sanity, my physical appearance! I arrived back at my broken door, took a deep breath and entered. My computer was still on, Black Mesa minimized on the desktop. My life was over, and now I didn’t even want to look at the damn game.
In a short month my life had been ruined. Luckily sense then I found a new job, replaced my door and started over again. I still thought of Lacy, and her sweet voice. Black Mesa is a curse, it robbed me of nearly everything…
EDIT: Bad ending, might fix later. This wasn’t planned out, it was written on a whim entirely in the text field.
