Star Wars Holiday Special. I hear its bad to the point of lulz.
You just lost electricity and you are stumbling around looking for a flashlight. Why didn’t you keep it in an obvious location?
Because of monkeys.
A weird, skinny man approaches you and says he’ll give you a thousand dollars if you suck him off right there. What do you do?
Run away because weird skinny men usually don’t have $1000.
You’re outside and it starts raining. Do you go inside or face the rain like a man?
If the rain is where I live here in Florida, go inside because it’s too pansy-ass bathtub-temperatured. Getting soaked is no fun unless it’s perceptibly cold.
Your clone catches you masturbating with difficulty reaching the peak, and then gets an aroused look in utter silence. What do you, the original, say during this awkward moment?
“Hey, come here and drink this shit, bro”
Lasagna or pizza?
My dinner depends on the answer.
Lasagna is definitely more filling. Save Pizza-eating for being around friends.
Wait… Dinner?
Hypothetical situation: You’re in Portugal and it’s 21:30 and your somewhat hungry. Do you eat dinner so late?
Sometimes I do.
I only eat meals when forced. Usually I just eat small snacks constantly throughout the day with one larger meal type snack placed at a random point.
Anyway, you’ve been permabanned from Balk Meas. How do you end your now miserable life?
Death by snu snu.
Your boss walks in and tells you that you’re fired, and to never bother asking him for a reference. Then he kicks you in the shin. What’s your first reaction?
If you’ve already had that bridge burned, kick him back. Self defense. 
If you died and were forced to choose whether to be reincarnated as a naked mole rat or a mosquito, which would you choose?
Mosquito. My life would be shorter so I could hopefully be reincarnated as something better later.
Would you prefer if hyperspace travel got invented first or short range teleportation (i.e. planetary).
Teleportation. It would give us more research/development opportunities before encountering an alien race, which as Hawking set forth, would most likely be hostile.
There’s a disaster off your coastline… would you rather deal with omnipresent oil for the next few decades, or a reasonably small amount of radiation (let’s say 20 BEDs) from blowing the pipe shut?
damn ninja’d
i’ll pass
Come on people, oil’s still pouring and you still haven’t picked an option. Who are you, BP?!
Nuke it from orbit.
Why? Just, why?
Because “Why not?” would go unanswered.
You’re making a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, with only one utensil available. What approach do you take to ensure a delicious sandwich?
It’s quite simple. Spoon. Spoon the jelly onto one slice. Spoon the peanut butter on the other slice. Shmear with back of spoon. Place bread together. Enjoy.
If you were forced to transfer your music to an outdated format, 8-track or vinyl?
Vinyl definitely. My great grandma has a bunch of them and we listen to them from time to time. Their sound is just amazing. Never even seen an 8-track, though.
If you could relive any one day of your life, what would it be?
The day I proposed my ex. Then I’d not propose and wait a while. You know, correcting my mistakes.
If you had to choose between Hell, and limiting your media acces to teletubbies, why would you choose Hell?
I would choose hell because it has good health care.
If you had to choose between hugging the dictator of the world or eating a rabbit what would you choose.