[TW] Spooks: You are a future space marine. You must save the universe from the aliens! You are standing idly in a cockpit as your ship hums along to its predetermined course. Two jerkwads are manhandling all the future buttons handling functions of the ships before you. You can’t stop but think of turntables. Man, turntables are some retro junk now that it’s the future.
[TW] Spooks: PLEASE INPUT FIRST NAME
Soup: >DICK
[TW] Spooks: “Commander SHEPARD,” one of the dumb marines harkens you. You suddenly have a feeling choosing your first name had next to no importance whatsoever and people are persistently going to continue referring to you by rank and surname. “That was the captain on the intercom, he’s waiting for you in the debriefing room.” The bearded canadian appears to have constipation of the legs. His face-impaired companion blurbs something incomprehensible from the lump of disfigured flesh that resides on his head. Something tells you you’re really going to hate this faggot and his face, should you ever encounter him. You’re hoping that won’t happen though. The bearded cripple pushes some more buttons and stares at you blankly, as if awaiting for a response to a question he never asked in the first place. Normally, you’d just go to the debriefing room already but you feel compelled spite him and come up with some IRONICALLY concerned question and prolong this needless exchange. You stare back and glare as hard as you can but you aren’t sure if you can keep this up for much longer.
Soup: >Punch Joker
[TW] Spooks: “HE SOUNDED ANGRY”, you shout, startling beardface to his undies. You’re sure if he were standing up he’d paralyze from fear and topple down like a log, but well, yeah, you know. Hehe. This kinda stuff’s really funny. Proffesor Nosehairs on the right snickers that the captain always does when he’s speaking to Joker. Joker, whose name you just found out to be “Joker”, proceeds to press more buttons in an important manner, as if he was punched in the soul. You’ve never seen a man push so many buttons in a cockpit and not crash a ship. You can only assume one thing - he’s the pilot of this hunk’a’junk. He tries to come up with some whimsy remark to use as a comeback but fails considerably. You are pleased by the emotional damage you’ve caused the soldier. You think he needs to man the heck up and stand up on his own legs, for crying out loud! (hee hee) That’ll teach him well, you mean, when the aliens come no whimsy remarks are gonna stop them, are you right?!? You’re goddamn sure you are.
[TW] Spooks: You are too afraid to order anything else cause you don’t wanna read do you.
Soup: you haven’t told us what we need to do!
Soup: oh wait yes you have
Soup: >slap joker and go see the captain
[TW] Spooks: You close up to Joker’s seat. “THIS AIN’T NO BATMAN, MARINES, RETURN TO YOUR DUTIES.” The two incompetent worms give each other a vacant look of confusion, as if they don’t understand what you’re talking about. Nobody understands those tight references you constantly make to things from the past. You have a passion for collecting vintage comics from Earth. You also like miniature ships and shiny badges. The latter you earn from the military though. Oh yeah. You collect turntables too. Turntables are so wizard. If your quarters were wider you’d install an aquarium and fill it with FUTURE SPACE FISH. Fish are pretty awesome too. Overall you’re quite content with your wide assortment of interests. Before you take your leave you lower yourself just a bit and gently slap Joker on his rump. “I should go.” you whisper in his ear, then back off to his bearded bedazzlement and on to your task. You’re quite sure Joker will cry in his bed tonight. You’re now facing the ship’s deck.
Soup: >go north
[TW] Spooks: The hell if you know where north is. You wonder if there’s even a concept of directions in space? If you’d had a compass would it even work without a magnetic field?? You skipped the physics class on magnets and magnetic fields at school so you’re not quite certain how they function. Ah sod it, you decide to just walk towards that elevator up ahead of you, all the crew has clustered around that thing so something important must be going on, right?
Soup: >exit spaceship
[TW] Spooks: As you attempt to check if this rusted piece of shit you’re flying on has already docked firsthand you are suddenly intercepted by a hideously looking excuse of a marine, who’s more akin in appearance to a chimp or a coupler module. “GEE I SURE AM EXCITED ABOUT MY FIRST MISSION, HOW ABOUT YOU COMMANDER SHEPARD?” he spits at you with glee. His watery deer eyes look up at you searching for approval and understanding. Man, do you fucking hate fans.
