His home planet is scheduled for demolition to make way for an intergalactic bypass.
He had a piece of parsley in his teeth at his last job interview.
He can’t think of a good title for his latest action-thriller novella.
His left foot is always itchy.
He realized the slightly darker shade of almond would have looked better when painting his front bathroom.
All the doors in his house have grown sentient and are rebelling against him.
His hat went missing a few months ago and he had to get a new one.
He accidentally ate a june bug.
He has spilled every drink he has ever gotten since 1974.
When he gets angry he turns into Iron Man.
His alarm clock never wakes him up on important days.
His boss is a potted fern with an attitude.
He gets posts made about him on obscure internet forums.
His printer is out of toner.
Someone keeps leaving banana peels in his walking path.
His pimp hand is growing weak.
He forgot to buy milk when he went to the store.
His best friend is a calculator with a face drawn on it.
He can’t find an effective way to keep rabbits out of his herb garden.
His right leg is slightly longer than his left one.